Hard Conversations: Talking to Your Kids About Drinking (and Other Substance Use)  

February 25, 2026 | Tags: Wellness Mental Health

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Alcohol is the most common drug used by people under the age of 21 in the United States. Almost 13 million young people between the ages of 12 and 20 say they’ve had at least one drink in their lives. Talking to your kids about drinking and other substances – drugs, vaping, cigarettes and more – can be challenging and awkward. You might stumble when it comes to:

• What to ask 
• What to say 
• How to say it 

But as parents and caregivers, having conversations about drinking and substance use early on is important. An ongoing dialogue with your kids can benefit their mental and physical health and may deter them from making harmful decisions.  

The dangers of underage drinking 

Kids can be motivated to drink for a number of reasons: 

• Coping with stress or a traumatic event.
• An increased desire for independence. 
• Curiosity or peer pressure from friends, family or media. 
• Family atmosphere that encourages drinking as normal, fun or relaxing. 
• Family history or influence, positive or negative.  
• Bias and discrimination, which can contribute to underage drinking. 

Explain the very real dangers of drinking, including the fact that excessive alcohol use causes approximately 4,000 preventable deaths each year among people younger than 21. The brain continues to grow and develop until the age of 25. Alcohol affects the brain and frequent alcohol use can negatively impact the regions that handle: 

• Learning  
• Memory  
• Speech  
• Visual and spatial thinking 

These effects can lead to a higher risk of experiencing Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) as well as nonmedical drug use and substance use disorders. Kids also face a higher risk of: 

• Legal problems, like arrests for drinking and driving or public intoxication. 
• Difficulties in school. 
• Social struggles, like maintaining friendships or relationships. 
• Unplanned or unprotected sexual activity, including unintended pregnancies or STIs. 
• Violence, including physical and sexual assault, either to others or themselves. 

Changes, especially in behavior, are part of adolescence, which can be attributed to your child acting differently. Still, pay close attention to warning signs of underage drinking, such as: 

• Mood changes, like anger and irritability. 
• Rebelliousness. 
• Concentration issues or memory loss. 
• Low energy. 
• Slurred speech. 
• Loss of interest in activities they enjoy or self-care and hygiene. 
• Academic struggles, like a drop in grades or skipping classes. 
• Finding alcohol among belongings or smelling alcohol on their breath. 

When to start the conversation with your kids about alcohol

Having direct and honest conversations with your child about drinking and substance use is important. Age-appropriate conversations can help kids effectively understand the risks and dangers, equip them with the information and skills they need when faced with difficult situations and decisions, and keep lines of communication open. Start talking about underage drinking and substances with your kids around age 8: 

• Ages 8 to 12: Ask your child open-ended questions, like what they’ve heard about alcohol or drugs. Take advantage of “teachable moments” when alcohol and substances are mentioned or seen in movies or on TV, at the store, etc. Reassure them that their questions and concerns are always welcome. 
• Ages 13 to 16: Be conscious of exposure from your child’s friends or peers who drink. Be understanding of their thoughts and feelings and remember that support may not be available at home for all kids. Establish a code word your child can use if they need help getting out of a situation where alcohol or drugs are present. 
• Ages 17 to 20: Reiterate the dangers of drinking and driving or getting into a car with someone under the influence. Remind your child that peer pressure doesn’t go away as they get older and discuss how they can handle those situations as they experience increased independence, especially if they’re going to college or entering the workforce. 

Difficult conversation goals to consider 

When having difficult conversations with kids, it’s important to show that you care. While it may not always seem true, kids really do listen and hear their parents’ or caregivers' concerns. Explain the dangers of drinking alcohol, smoking and using drugs, and why kids shouldn’t do them. Remember that you don’t have to discuss everything in one conversation. Here are some objectives to consider: 

1. Express your disapproval of underage substance use: Don’t assume kids know how you feel about drinking – tell them. Kids look up to their parents as influences in their decision to drink or not. You may want to consider your own relationship with alcohol to help lead by example.
2. Show you care: Your child wants to know you’re on their side. They're more likely to listen when you’re open about your concerns for their well-being. Emphasize that you want them to be safe and healthy.
3. Position yourself as a good source of information: You don’t have to be an expert to provide reliable information about the dangers of drinking and drugs. Knowledge is power and you want your child to make informed decisions, especially as they grow and experience more of the world.
4. Pay attention – without judgement: Kids are more likely to drink if they think no one will notice. Show that you’re aware of what they’re up to. Ask about friends and upcoming plans because you care, not because you’re judging. This leads to more honest conversations.
5. Build kids’ skills and strategies: Peer pressure is powerful and it’s everywhere. A plan to help your child avoid alcohol and drugs can help them make better choices if or when they encounter them. Ask what they would do if faced with a difficult decision and practice saying “no” in a safe environment. 

Don’t forget to listen: Hear your child’s concerns, fears, curiosity, etc. Meet them with empathy. These discussions should be ongoing, so plan frequent check-ins. Quick chats and short informational talks help build trust and keep lines of communication open. 

Help and resources are available 

Remember, kids are their own people. They're constantly learning, growing and making their own life decisions. But it’s never too late to start talking with them about the risks of underage drinking and substance use. You are your child’s best guide to help them make smart choices. Talk to your child’s primary care provider (PCP) about bringing up the topic of drinking and how you can have an honest conversation concerning their health and wellness. 

For help finding a PCP, use our Find a Provider tool or call the Customer Care number on your member ID card. Medical Mutual’s Behavioral Health Case Management program offers access to a team of case managers, registered nurses, social workers, care navigators and physicians specializing in mental health and substance abuse. Call 1-800-258-3175 (TTY 711 for hearing impaired) to connect with a team member or email a brief description of your current mental health challenges to BehavioralHealthDepartment@medmutual.com. Medical Mutual members also have access to mental health resources through the My Health Plan portal.  

If you need help and guidance about drinking, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) can offer support and resources for individuals and family members facing substance abuse disorders. Call their free 24/7 confidential helpline at 1-877-SAMHSA-7 (1-877-726-4727) or 1-800-487-4889 (TTY). Resources and support groups for alcoholism in your area are available.